I’ve had a few discussions about breakups and exes in the last week ever since my post on communication after a breakup and the question for this week is….
I was broken up with and understand that it is for the better. Even still, how do I keep my ex off of my mind? It’s driving me crazy
Unfortunately for this person, they are experiencing one of the worst parts of relationships: learning to get over an ex. Trying to get over someone or keep them off your mind is the epitome of something that has a simple solution, but is extremely difficult to do into practice.
There are two main reasons we go crazy when a relationship ends. The first is because we had a relationship with this person for however long and developed an emotional and/or physical attachment. In the exact same way that you are sad to lose a relative, pet or prized possession, breaking up with or being broken up with by someone causes heartache that has to be overcome. Unless you have a heart of stone that you are able to protect (which can be very unhealthy to do in the long run), you will inevitably develop some sort of feelings, leading to a natural feeling of sorrow when things end.
The second reason is that there is now a void in your life that was once filled by your ex. You used to talk, call, hangout with, visit this person, and it took up time in your life. When the person is no longer in your life, it leaves a lot of time unoccupied (for now). And what do we tend to do in that time? Think of the person who would usually fill it.
As I mentioned earlier, it’s actually an easy fix…in theory. The best way to stop thinking of your ex is to fill the void that they have created, because that will keep your mind off of them and continue to add value to your life, which will eventually lead to meeting someone else.
There have been plenty of articles out there discussing how to get over someone or move on, so I will list the best ways to spend your time post-breakup and maybe go into detail on some of them in future posts.
The best ways to fill your time after a breakup:
- Cry it out (for a week. Give yourself a period to feel like shit and get it out of your system)
- Exercise (whatever you enjoy the most; gym, hiking, sports, etc.)
- Time with family/friends (catch-up over the phone, grab a coffee, dinner, etc.)
- A hobby (whether it’s an already existing one, an old hobby you haven’t touched in a while or a brand new hobby)
- Social things (go to the bar with friends, bowling, arcade, etc.)
- Cooking (especially after you’ve cried it out, focus on a healthier lifestyle. Cook or teach yourself to cook some nice meals. It’s therapeutic, healthy and cheaper than going out)
- Dating apps/dating scene (when you feel ready. Don’t feel rushed, but there is some truth to “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new”)
Do as many of these things as possible and I promise you will get over an ex much faster than normal. Thanks for reading, and feel free to comment any questions or concerns or drop me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org!
Update: Check out my more recent post on the 3.5 steps to getting through a breakup here: http://lifestylelogicblog.com/2017/02/13/get-over-an-ex-breakup/